Holidays are such a joyful time because they bring family and friends together. When a loved one has passed, their absence can be keenly felt by all, especially children. A child’s ability to be resilient depends on our support as his or her family adjusts to life without that special person.
Becky Verner, a yoga instructor and children’s grief advocate at Joel’s Place, Cleveland Ohio, says, “a child’s expression of loss and grief is highly individual. Some kids may cry and isolate, while others play and stay social to relieve stress.”
If your family is missing a grandparent, parent, or friend this holiday season, Becky offers tips to support a grieving child from the National Alliance for Grieving Children.
Empathize
Share in your child’s grief journey. Encourage your child to talk about the person and their feelings. If they don’t want to talk and remind them often that they are not alone.
Are there any memories you can bring up about holidays in the past? Share them and remind your child you will make new memories together and can look back on happy memories from your past.
Let them play
Children often process grief while playing, as it is a natural tool for them to express their feelings and use their imagination to make sense of the world. Your child may have moments of sadness that quickly turn to a need to play.
What does your child like to play with most these days? Get down on the floor and play with them. Listen to their stories and reflect back on what you see and hear to reinforce that your child is heard.
Express & Engage
Give your child tools to be creative in the ways they enjoy most. Keep inviting them to social activities.
The National Alliance for Grieving Children offers resources and grief support groups your child can attend to be with other grieving children.
Find ways to remember
Remind your child how much the person loved them and share sentiments the person shared about positive qualities about your child. Observe the positive ways they remind you of the person. Share pictures and videos. Create traditions to honor them on special days, like birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Let them know they are not alone, and you miss this person too.
Visit your local craft supply store and bring home art supplies your child can use to create a special holiday memorial keepsake to honor the person. Though the person is no longer here for the holidays physically, their memory lives on. Using photos, videos and storytelling reinforces their presence and the space to share openly.
Give them credit
Children often know what they need most and can tell you before you prescribe a remedy of what you think is best. Listen to your child and take their lead in exploring healthy outlets for emotions and energy. Be patient; together you will find healthy ways to grieve.
Ask your child what they would like to do in honor of the person this year for the holidays. Encourage them to recognize varying tools to experience and express their grief in healthy ways.
Becky Verner is a yoga instructor and children’s grief advocate in Cleveland, Ohio. She works with Joel’s Place for Children which is a 501(c)(3) non-profit that provides peer grief support groups for school-aged children who have experienced the death of someone special in their lives, at no cost. Children can express feelings, share memories, and honor the loved one in a supportive and hope-filled environment. Joel’s Place also offers a support group for the adults who bring children to Joel's Place. To learn more visit joelsplaceforchildren.org.
